And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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