There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
