can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
