my being single is dangerous.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
