i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize