Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
