This girl is more easily done than said...
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
