don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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