the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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