it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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