Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You're breaking my sexual little heart
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
