she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
