I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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