I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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