We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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