i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
