I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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