Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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