Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i love accidental penises.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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