I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My life is pants optional.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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