i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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