It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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