That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
