How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
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I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
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I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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