Welp...herpes.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
