Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
