I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
