Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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