everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I need to calm my uterus...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
