elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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