dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Randomize
