youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
