The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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