Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
