You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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