WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
It's Friday. Sex?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
