and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Your tits are I can't wait for
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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