its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
