We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
