dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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