Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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