I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
