woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
