I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
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Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
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I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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