Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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