I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
