i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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