Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
