Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
