He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
