What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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