Her vagina should come with caution tape.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
wow bdsm is so cute
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
