My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
