hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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