It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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