my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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