worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
