Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
