our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
