one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
