i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize